Remember what I used to say to you when you said mean things to each other:? “A tongue can kill without drawing blood” I still believe so, but I would like to share with you a self defense against the killing tongues.
I have experienced that people use words very carelessly. I think this is because most people live and think very unconsciously. This includes your own parents. Parents, in their own stressful time, would say or do something that is hurtful. Also, your friends can carelessly voice some abstract words to box you into a corner or to put you down: “you are not good” or “you are not nice” or “you are this or that”... Unfortunately, some of these can become a seed and take a root, starts to grow inside of you, and if you are not careful, the seed will grow into vines and rob your confidence and courage in trying new things and saying what’s on your mind.
A tongue can kill, indeed. It kills a person from the inside, slowly eroding a person’s self esteem and self expression.
But it does not have to be this way. We can not change another person's way of talking and thinking, but we can change our way of perceiving and responding. The defense mechanism is to train yourself to be aware whenever people throw their tongue dagger at you to put you down, and then you can dodge it with ease much like in fencing.
One day, I got into an argument with a friend, hastily, an “F” word is thrown in: “you have no Faith!”. Suddenly, I could feel very little as a person without faith. But I did not let the statement take root. I was very aware that the abstract word “Faith” was being thrown at me as an attack. I dodged it by calling it out... “What do you mean Faith specifically here? If you explain, then we can talk in specifics. The abstract word means nothing and I refuse to discuss an empty word.”
When people label you (as they like to do ) with an abstract word to express “their opinion of you” or to put you down, stay alert and ask curiously: “What do you mean specifically?”
Insisting on facts and specifics in conversations is your defense against the killing tongues.
Love Always
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment